


doubtful love

by sichengsjpg



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Polyamory, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 16:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16453088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sichengsjpg/pseuds/sichengsjpg
Summary: Because who said you can only have one love of your life?In which Jeno struggles with a polyamorous relationship.





	doubtful love

Jeno loved his boyfriends. He adored them. They adored him. And they had a great relationship. What Jeno didn’t love was the looks they got in public. The way no one would understand that you can be completely in love with two people at once. 

That’s why Jeno always falters when Jaemin or Renjun want to show their affection in public. Like when they both tried to kiss him goodbye when he left the diner tonight and he’d brushed it off opting to hug the both of them instead. 

Jeno walked home with his hands in his pockets replaying the slightly hurt look on Jaemin’s face as Jeno dodged his kiss. Jeno didn’t miss the look Renjun shot Jaemin and the way he reassuringly stroked his arm. Jeno felt awful that he wasn’t as comftorable being public with their relationship, it ate him up inside. But this wasn’t something that Jeno could grow into overnight. He was working on it. Slowly. And he hoped that Renjun and Jaemin wouldn’t grow angry or impatient with him in the meantime. 

Coming out to their friends had been easy; Mark, Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung had said that they’d suspected something was going on between the three of them. Coming out to their school had been much harder for Jeno. He swore when he walked down the hallways people would whisper about him and it only would amplify when he was with Jaemin, Renjun, or both. But still, there had been lots of support. 

What Jeno knew he couldn’t do was come out to his parents. That would be too weird. He couldn’t imagine how his relationship with them would change when he told them that he was dating two boys. So, as far as they knew, he was single and Jaemin and Renjun were just his best friends. It made hanging out as his house easy at least, because his parents didn’t suspect a thing.

He’d talked to Jaemin and Renjun about his struggles with being open about their relationship and they had been so understanding, so sweet. They told him to take as much time as he needed. But that was six months ago. Subconsciously, Jaemin and Renjun roped Jeno into their public affections. Like tonight at the diner. And it wasn’t like Jeno was upset at them; he understood it, he was their boyfriend, he should be able to kiss them in public. But he just couldn’t. Not yet. 

When Jeno got home, he went to his room and broke down. This happened to him often these days. He worked himself up about not being open with Jaemin and Renjun in public and made himself think that they probably secretly resented him for it and then he thought about how the only way he could stop it was to get over his fear of being judged and cried even more. 

He fell asleep like that. 

— — — 

The next day at school Jeno tried to act like he didn’t hurt Jaemin last night. He tried to act like he didn’t cry himself to sleep. But Jeno was never good at hiding things, especially from the ever observant Renjun. 

So Renjun sat with him in an empty classroom during free period and consoled Jeno while he told him his doubts. Jeno never meant to tell either of his boyfriends about his fears, but it all poured out as Renjun tightly held onto his hand. 

Renjun put a finger under Jeno’s chin and made him look into his eyes and said,“Jeno, Jaemin and I, we love you. We would never leave you over something like this, especially since you told us from the start you would need time.”

“But its been months and the other day at the diner, I saw Jaemin’s face, Jun, I hurt him.” 

“Jaemin’s sensitive, you know that,” Renjun said with a chuckle, “But, he understands. Jeno, before you started dating us, I had to listen to Jaemin gush about you for a year. He would wait another five for you.”

“I love you so much, Jun,” Jeno whispered before kissing chastely kissing Renjun.

“I love you more, Jeno,” Renjun whispered back as he pulled away when the school bell rang.

— — — 

Jeno thought his world would crumble when his parents found out. That’s why he locked himself in his room and felt like he was going to throw up on a Tuesday evening. He’d had Jaemin and Renjun over thinking his Mom would be getting off work at six that evening. So, they’d started to make out on his couch - which is how his Mom found them when she walked in the door at four. Jaemin and Renjun had awkwardly excused themselves and Jeno sat there, dazed for a second before the tears started to spill from his eyes. He shot off the couch and ran to his room, his Mom yelled something after him, but he didn’t catch it. 

Sat in the middle of his bed, crying his eyes out, Jeno heard a knock at his door. “Hey sweetie, can you please open up?” it was his Mom, the person he wanted to see least right now. When he didn’t respond she said, “I have the key to the room, I’m coming in whether you want me too or not.” 

Jeno begrudgingly got off of the bed and unlocked the door. He stood there and waited for his Mom to slowly open the door. She immediately enveloped him in a hug when she saw the red of his eyes and the glisten of tears on his cheeks. “Jeno, sweetie, what’s wrong?” she cooed.

Jeno tearfully told his Mom everything, they’d always been close and he’d never liked lying to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner and that you had to find out this way,” he tearfully choked out at the end of his speech.

“Jeno, you never have to be afraid to tell me anything. I love you forever, no matter what. Please know this. I’m so happy that you love these boys and more importantly that they love you. You’ve always been capable of giving so much love and you deserve it just as much,” she was stroking his head and now Jeno was softly crying, tears of gratitude rather than the ones of sorrow that he’s become accustomed to in recent days.

“So what if people think you’re weird for dating two people, you’re happy with them and that’s all that should matter, darling.” Jeno wiped at his eyes and hugged his Mom, thanking her for her support as she continued to pat his head. “However, that does not mean that I want to come home to the sight I saw downstairs earlier, young man. You have to behave yourself.” And then Jeno was laughing because his Mom had returned to the usual stern figure she was.

In that moment, Jeno felt so dumb. Dumb for thinking that his parents would hate his guts. Dumb for thinking he should let stupid thoughts get in the way of his happiness. And dumb for not treating Jaemin and Renjun like he should. He was proud of them and it was about time that he started to act that way.

— — — 

Two months later and Jeno held their hands in public. He kissed them when people were watching and he stared back at people who looked at them weirdly. As he, Jaemin, and Renjun walked down the sidewalk, hands linked together, he thought of hoe much these boys meant to him. How much more important it was to see Jaemin smiling instead of seeing him hurt because Jeno pushed him away. Looking at his left to Renjun, Jeno knew that he could take the stares of any stranger if that meant he would be happy. 

“Hey guys,” Jeno announced to the boy next to him, “I love you so much.” It wasn’t the first time that he said it, but Jeno could never really get rid of the butterflies that flew around his stomach when he said it. How every time he said it felt like the first. The two boys beside him looked at each other and then placed a kiss on both of his cheeks and in that moment Jeno swore he was never happier.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed xx


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